-untitled-

have loads of stuff in my mind now. i dont know..... fuck!

DRY AND DULL

DRY AND DULL

it's been awhile...

again.

well, im pretty busy with my studies and i have not much to say so i havent been bloggin for a lil while already.

but there's just something.. that i have to let it off my chest, and i find myself alone and i've got no one to share it with. not even my girlfriend. pretty pathetic huh? i guess. well i coulda just told my gf about all that, but i think it might just bore her, again. i've been potraying the image of an idiot long enough. i don't need the extra bonus to make her feel sorry for me. (eventho i know she doesnt feel that way.)

so lately, things are going pretty normal for me. nothing special, or extraordinary enough for me start a blog post. and i think this 'Normal-ness', had become a problem for me. nothing is happening. nothing is alive. nothing but the lil emo guy which lives in my heart.

the normalness caused me much trouble. well they're not rili that big of a problem, but i fear that it may lead to something bad. i don't have much to say to my girlfriend nowadays. not because we'd lost It(definitely NOT for me). just because things are too normal and dull, so dry that its not even worth a talk. or perhaps im just boring. well, she might not take this as a big o problem. to her, i guess it's just another day, another call from me, and that's it.

well, deep inside, i got this feeling, that the boredom is gonna lead to something bad, and my feelings are alway right. we used to be so close, and we talk about everything. everything is lively. im like her thoughts, and she gets my jokes all the time, and she has the cutest giggle. and now, i have to BEG her to tell me something. well, its not a big problem. how can i force someone to tell me everything? and by everything i mean EVERYTHING.

now this is the picture i have in mind.

stage 1) we are gonna run out of topics, and she wouldnt bother to tell me everything, and i became predictable. yet we call each other everyday, linger on the phone saying nothing serious.

stage 2) days goes by, she doesn't feel the urgency and importance of connecting with me anymore, since we get to do it everyday and usually eventho we call each other, we talk about nothing. nothing serious, to be precise.

stage 3) she lost the craving for me. aka she doesnt need me anymore, 'cause my existence is no longer a big deal anymore.... ok now hold up, deep inside we still love each other very much at this stage.

stage 4) waddya noe? things might get a change and we go back to stage 1. or she might just take me as a good old friend. nothing more than that. just friends. love? nah. that's so yesterday. rofl and you know where that leads to.

and so yeah. am i rili that boring? or am i just lost again? hmm.

and so lately my girlfriend told me that she told her family about me, well not exactly the entire family, excluding the parents. and so i asked, "what's the reaction of your sister?" "oh she said you are pretty lost, according to your blog." she said. LOL what? hmm. well, i shud've seen that coming. my blog is my stress journal. i put all the shit i took along the way here in my blog. that way i could list out all my stressors and find ways to cope with them. perhaps that's why i sound lost. well idk. perhaps she didn't even care. teehee.

oh well, i just wanna clarify one thing. i might sound a lil immature, and i might appear to be that way, but deep down no one knows what im thinking. im those ppl with lotsa different faces in front of different ppl. and i Love my girl very much. (i know it's cheesy, and a guy like me doesn't seem like i would say something like that, but i dont rili care, cause at least im not afraid to express myself.) i might be a nobody now, but note this, im gonna be somebody, someday.have faith in me, dear potential future in-laws.

i know i know.

im such a kid now, and i have loads of complaints. and im constantly whining about stuff. wtf im now whining about my 'Normal-ness'.. the freaking NORMAL life irritates me!!! wtf is wrong with me? i cant even write a song now. i cant think about anything fun and great to do. i cant even blog. sigh~

well before i end my blog, i have an announcement to make.... well its not rili an announcement since i dont think anyone would read my blog anyways. its just something i wanna say: my family is gonna officially move over to west M'sia! crap!! =( im gonna miss my friends, all the food, all the places i've been for hundreds of thousands of times before, and all the good ppl i'd met back there. im not sure imma be back soon, well im not gonna be back soon. not until i graduate, at least. and datz gonna take at least 3 more years. well, let's just keep my fingers crossed, and pray that everything is gonna be alright after that, and i hope my siblings are gonna see how hard my and mommy is trying to fix everything. and with all the luck we have, i think we're heading somewhere. note this, im not gonna be a KL* boi. im a Sabah*an for life.

*KL: Kuala Lumpur, the capital of M'sia; Sabah: another state in east M'sia.

what？

一次不忠，百次不用。

现在真的感受到了。

可是，我是该如何赢回一个人的信任呢？

很讨厌回家。

the last day.

its the last day of the first month of 2010. i think its time for me to recharge now. it'd been one heck of a year last year. what the heck! >.<

well seriously, the asian CNY shit is coming real soon. well i dunno, as the other half o'mine is an ABC, her family doesnt rili celebrate the day like us here. hmm. hehe. i dunno about the celebration either. all i know is, its a time for food, foOD, and MORE FOOD! and also money money money~ and also the reunion of all the kids who went around the world.

one thing about this day is, we get to shop alot, as much as u want. i mean, i can shop as much as i want anyways throughout the year. but itd been a habit for me to get myself a set of new clothes and gear. arrghh~ im not done with shopping yet! =( and the worst part is, im on the edge of overspending. and im gonna be back to kk soon. i dont wanna do my shopping there!!! =( lameshit. grrr....

oh fuck.

its the day for me to go home tomorrow. i havent pack my stuff yet, and the plan is to leave house around 8am later. datz like a few hours later. im extremely sleepy. shit. i hate this. i hate when everything is not in place. err.... i feel like shit.

well, i shud get a moving. =( ciaoz.

加油。

今天，最後一科，加油！＝）

夠力了..

再多三個小時，我就得進考場了。可是我，一點都沒有開始溫習。夠力了..

上了那麼多個星期的課，竟然才發現自己原來還不知道自己學了一些甚麼。夠力了...

都已經是期末考了，才知道自己的筆記小抄根本就不完整，搞到自己完全不懂要從哪裡開始讀起。夠力了...

在這最重要的關頭，自己竟然好像要開始生病了。夠力了...

睡了整個晚上，醒來卻覺得比睡前更累。夠力了...

還有兩科要考。夠力了...

夠力了夠力了..

慘了。

靠！今天考了第一科，只有一個感覺.. 忐忑！

竟然可以在考場突然怯場的..

真不懂下一科該怎麼考了。

空白....